Parody – Let The Dice Hit The Tray

I wrote this parody song a few months ago and only posted it to Twitter. Thought I’d add it here now as well. Sung to the tune of Drowning Pool’s “Let The Bodies Hit The Floor”.  All due apologies to Drowning Pool, Paizo and Wizards of the Coast.

Image Credit: Wikimedia Commons

Original Song – Let the Bodies Hit the Floor by Drowning Pool

And now, my lyrics…..

Let the dice hit the tray
Let the dice hit the tray
Let the dice hit the tray
Let the dice hit the traaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!

Hit points drop off (drop off)
Potion must quaff
(Here we go, here we go, here we go)  

One, cleric come heal me
Two, cleric come heal me
Three, cleric come heal me
Four, cleric come heal me  

One, come on, roll 20
Two, come on, roll 20
Three, come on, roll 20  
Noooooooww!!!!

Let the dice hit the tray
Let the dice hit the tray
Let the dice hit the traaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!

Let the dice hit the tray
Let the dice hit the tray
Let the dice hit the traaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!  

Bard sings again (again)
Chased by gob-lin
(Here we go, here we go, here we go)

One, cleric come heal me
Two, cleric come heal me
Three, cleric come heal me
Four, cleric come heal me  

One, come on, roll 20
Two, come on, roll 20
Three, come on, roll 20
Nooooow!!

Let the dice hit the tray
Let the dice hit the tray
Let the dice hit the traaaaaaaaaaaaay!!

Let the dice hit the tray
Let the dice hit the tray
Let the dice hit the tray  

Zombies and wights, skeleton
The wizard’s last spell, but then he’s all done
Your rogue got you in and now you’re here
You failed your save, so run in fear

Let the dice hit the tray
Let the dice hit the tray
Let the dice hit the tray
Let the dice hit the traaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!  

One, cleric come heal me
Two, cleric come heal me
Three, cleric come heal me
Four, cleric come heal me

One, come on, roll 20
Two, come on, roll 20
Three, come on, roll 20 Noooooooooow!!  

Let the dice hit the tray
Let the dice hit the tray
Let the dice hit the tray!  

Let the dice hit the tray
Let the dice hit the tray
Let the dice hit the tray

Heeeey!!!! Roll!!
Heeeey!!!! Roll!!
Heeeey!!!! Roll!!
Heeeey!!!! Roll!!
Heeeey!!!! Roll!!

I felt musical and gaming inspiration today. Apologies in advance to @DrowningPool, @Wizards_DnD, @paizo and pretty much everyone who sees this.

Let the dice hit the tray
Let the dice hit the tray
Let the dice hit the tray
Let the dice hit the traaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!
(1/8)

— Barret Blake (@BarretBlake) July 18, 2018

And here’s a link to my original tweet….

The World of Aeleon

I haven’t posted about my world building project in quite a while, but I have been working hard on fleshing it out. I’ve got several docs and spreadsheets put together. I also recently found a website called World Anvil that helps world builders organize and post their content online in a well organized, wiki-style format.

I’ve started transferring the information out to that site and will use it going forward. You can see that start of my creation, the world of Aeleon.

Character Portrait – Terun Eastmore

Terun is one of my all time favorite PCs to play. He was a human paladin of Helm, hero of Silverhall, warrior of the Wyrmfang Chronicles, and the endless butt of jokes about one-armed paladins.

Terun’s backstory was quite in-depth. It’s been a habit of mine that a number of my PCs have some hook that ties them to other PCs or NPCs within the Wyrmfang Chronicles campaign. Terun was tied to my second character in the Wyrmfang Chronicles version of Faerun, Endeleban Losteast (Delban). He was, in fact, his younger brother.

The Dragons

Terun was the last of 4 brothers, sons of a noble family headed by Matrom Eastmore, a general serving in the Purple Dragons of Cormyr. It was expected that all sons of the Eastmore family would serve in the Dragons as soldiers or clerics. The two eldest brothers, Grahm and Reynold, each enlisted as they came of age. Delban did not, turning instead to his natural arcane talents and joining the Aes Saidarr and getting himself cast out of the family. Terun, though torn, followed his two brothers into the Dragons.

Once his basic training was completed, Terun was sent to the eastern borders to join his two brothers serve in the fortress that guards the road that crosses the Thunder Peaks into Sembia. For a few months, all was well. That is, until the day the patrol his two brothers were a part of failed to return.

As Terun prepared to ride for with the search party, a lone rider brought word that the patrol was pinned down by an raiding band of orcs. The reinforcements rode with haste, but arrived too late to save the patrol. With the thundering cavalry bearing down on them, the orcs quickly surrendered. But no mercy was granted and they were slaughtered.

Terun was granted leave to take the bodies of his brothers home. Once they were laid to rest, a disillusioned and despairing Terun did not return to his post. Instead he wandered for many months, drifting ever north and east.

A New Purpose

Eventually, in the mountains north of Thar, he happened upon an ancient fortress inhabited by a small group of paladins and priests who served the god Helm. In this group, dedicated to stopping evil at any cost, Terun found a home and a purpose. Joining their order, Terun became a paladin of Helm.

His initiation completed, Terun was sent southward, to the Dalelands, to carry Helm’s will to that land. There he found and united with the heroes of Silverhall, electing to grant Helm’s service to the Silver Queen.

The One-Armed Paladin

Terun fought valiantly with the heroes of Silverhall on many adventures. In one particular fateful day, Terun was turned to stone by the power of a vile beholder beast. His stone left arm, holding fast to an item that their enemies coveted, was ripped from him in effort to obtain that item. Restored to flesh once more, his arm was lost.

Terun, instead of seeing the loss of his left arm as a hindrance, saw it only as a test from his god. He was determined to persevere in the face of that challenge. On rare occasion, he was weak and complained of his state. Mostly, though, he fought valiantly with the heroes for many more adventures.

Not all was well though. Terun and the Heroes parted ways for a time. He became frustrated that his companions were unwilling to do what it takes to defeat evil. Evil, in all its forms, should be destroyed at all costs. Why couldn’t they see that? And so, in frustration, he left their weakness behind and struck out on his own, following the will of Helm wherever it led.

Eventually, older and wiser and perhaps a bit more patient, he was led back to Silverhall and joined the heroes once more.

Vani Mortem, Inlaqueaverunt Meam

Then came the day of Terun’s death. Working to clear a fortress of evil creatures, Terun and the Heroes came upon a trap. A hidden portcullis fell from the ceiling, separating Terun from the others. While the rest of the party tried to raise the bars, Terun decided to scout ahead and see if perhaps there was a way around.

Note: It should be said that my characters have a tendency to wander off or do something when I get bored of waiting for the others to argue about something or decipher a puzzle (I HATE RIDDLES), or pack the horses or whatever. It’s gotten a few of my characters into trouble over the years, but only once has it caused them to die. This was that time. What can I say? I’m a man of action, not words.

Unfortunately for Terun, he ran into a band of gnoll rangers. Pinned down by arrow fire, he tried to take cover and wait for help. It didn’t work. His companions were too slow getting past the portcullis trap and Terun fell.

Eventually, Terun’s body was returned to his family and interred in the family crypt outside of Suzail. There, his brother Delban, now following the path of evil, stole the body and entrapped the soul of Terun in a gem he had attached to a stolen ba’athril axe. It was all a part of his plot to lure the party westward to Brindinford and get them to eliminate an illithid threat to his domination of the city. (See: The Speaker In Dreams)

Restored to Life

The postscript of that adventure was that Terun was restored to life, as well as his left arm. There, he swore to join his father and a band of outcast Purple Dragons who had fled the Black Talon takeover of Cormyr, in defending Brindinford from an approaching army of Talons bent on capturing or killing all the remaining Dragons.

With the help of Delban, that threat was dealt with and Brindinford was once more safe. Now, Terun feels the calling of Helm once more. Perhaps the Heroes of Silverhall have not seen the last of Terun Eastmore.

Character Portrait – Heagen Witchhunter

My newest character, all of 4 or 5 sessions in now, is a half-orc barbarian named Heagen. I’ve never played a barbarian in the Wyrmfang Chronicles before. The last barbarian I played was way back in college in with 2e AD&D. Damn, I’m old.

Image Credit: barbarian by ali-tunc on DeviantArt

With the death of my cleric Qen in our party’s near TPK, the story-line has shifted several decades into the future. The Cult of the Forgotten Pharaoh, severely weakened by the exploits of the Shining Company, is once again on the rise. Their efforts to resurrect Hakotep and restore him to rule of Osirion are in full motion.

The two survivors of the Shining Company have recruited 4 new heroes to help avert the Cult’s goals. Heagen is one of them. Heagen has history with three of the other newcomers. They meet up from time to time as heroes for hire to do good throughout Osirion, so long as there’s gold involved.

Heagen doesn’t speak much about his past. From the bits and pieces his companions have learned over the years, they know he comes from the northern Golarion somewhere, but little else.

For the remainder of his introduction, I’ll just quote the original email I sent the rest of the group:

It’s well past dinner when the door to the inn opens. In walks a middle aged human merchant. 5’6″ tall, a bit portly, and showing a touch of gray in his receding hairline. He could pass for any random local businessman. You, however, instantly recognize your companion. It’s one of his more common disguises in civilized areas such as this.

It’s a bit of a shame that it’s necessary, but your companion has long since accepted the need to not draw unnecessary attention to himself in towns such as this one. “Better for all,” he often says with a smile, taking it all in stride. His calm, almost serene, personality sits in drastic contrast to the blood rage that fuels his actions in combat. You’ve long since given up trying to figure out the dichotomy.

He sits down at the table with only a nod to you. It’s been months since you last saw him. He’d left with barely any notice, saying only that it was time to collect on an old bounty. You know that from time to time, Heagen (Hay-gun) takes up bounties on witches, wizards and other spellcasters causing problems for locals. It’s why they call him the Witchhunter. But he never goes into detail and you never ask. Everyone’s gotta have a hobby, right?

You’re a little surprised that he’s here. You sent messages to his normal hangouts across Osirion. Usually, when he disappears like this, it’s nearly impossible to find him until he’s ready to be found. You can only guess that, like normal, he has collected on whatever bounty he went out after.

You know he prefers to talk business in his normal form. To that end, you stand and lead him to a back room you’ve reserved. As you shut the door and turn to your companion, you see the nondescript merchant reach up an doff his cap. Instantly, the human merchant is replaced with a hulking half orc. 6’6″ tall and easily 250 pounds of pure muscle, the beast draws his enormous great sword and long bow, leaning them carefully in the corner next to him as he takes a seat.

“Now,” he says with a smile, “What’s this I hear about a job?”